(see the wayyyy bottom of this post to cop this album!)
Wuddup blogworld! It's been a while since I've been here, but lately I've been feeling like God's been wanting me to share what He's put on my heart. I want to thank Him for the way He's been waking me up in the mornings before the sun's out to spend unhurried time with Him. Even though I am NOT a morning person, never HAVE been, and didn't think I ever WOULD be, it just shows i'm not waking up by my own willpower, right? Especially now that I have a cuddlebear husband now. In fact, I fall asleep in the middle of praying to Him often. But He just put this desire in me that WANTS me to get up and be with Him...thank you God, it has been so worth it.
At first it wasn't easy. Not the waking up part, the things that God would call me out on. First of all, i HATE constructive criticism. Even when people say it's supposed to help, it just makes me want to punch you in the face. I don't need you telling me how to run things (old self talk). But to have God call you out is another thing. Things like my lack of integrity - how i don't follow up with what i say, my lies to get out of trouble, how my words and actions aren't consistent....My self-righteousness - how i get prideful about my spiritual highs, feel holier than everyone else, put on a spiritual front on the outside like I'm all kinds of put together....and most recently, my selfishness - how I care only about my life, my career, my school, my goals, myself me me me, to the point where the ministry God called me to has shown deterioration.
I'm not trying to be hard on myself, but God is calling me to grow...or should I say shrink. Less of me, and more of Christ. God is calling Christ in me to reveal His glory. Today, God showed an aspect of what it means for Christ to be our very life. Not a part of it, not just on 3131 Bowers, not just when we pray, not just when we have our Wed night meetings. But Christ is all and in all fa sho! When Jesus says, "I am the life", it's not just one of those things we respond to and say, "That's nice Jesus. Thanks for the reminder. And then?" When Jesus says he is our life, HE is the one who directs this physical body, from our thoughts to our actions. I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. -Galatians 2:20
Every day holds moments for the light of Christ to shine within us, no matter what we're doing. It's not about close we feel to Him, or being conscious of Him every moment, or even seeing how God is working in our external circumstances. Those are rare moments when we recognize how God is working in life's circumstances. But just as Jesus was in the Father, and the Father was in Him, we have the potential of that same relationship as well. Don’t you believe that I am in the Father, and that the Father is in me? The words I say to you are not just my own. Rather, it is the Father, living in me, who is doing his work. -John 14:10-11
Jesus is in us, and we are in Him. For Christ to be our life is Christ, "living in me, who is doing his work". We often wait passively for Jesus to do his thing. We look for Jesus in everywhere but ourselves. We wait for a huge revival in our youth group. We expect that one day, we'll have that moment of a holy experience with God that suddenly changes us. I'm sure some of us are waiting for the retreat this weekend to happen to see Jesus. But Jesus is already in us, so what are we waiting for? Let HIM live your life - it belongs to Him. Let HIM use your life to do what HE needs to do at this point of history in this particular location with the specific people he's put in your lives. We can fool ourselves thinking we have faith and we are waiting for something glorious to happen to us, but we don't let Christ's life be ACTIVE in us. Not that God doesn't have big things planned in our futures, he totally does. But our trust in Him isn't just for the long-term, it's in every moment. Sounds abstract, doesn't it? God's been using the youth ministry lately to show me what this means...
You may or may not have heard there have been some individual cases exposed in the youth group where our kids be doin what they aint supposed to be doin. Imma be real and say that even among our own Thomas group we may have these cases too. Hearing about these have been very discouraging, have made me feel like a failure to this "flock", even made me think condemning thoughts towards these people: "You're doing the worst thing possible", "You grew up in this church...you should know better...what are you thinking..." Then I try to think of all the strategies, plans, changes that need to be made for our group.
But God's timing could never be better in giving me time to reflect on His Word and receive Him. The more I receive His word, the more the life of Christ becomes active and I see how he changes me to see things....Oswald Chambers had a quote the other day that went "God has established things so that prayer, on the basis of redemption, changes the way a person looks at things. Prayer is not a matter of changing things externally, but one of working miracles in a person’s inner nature."
I was in the word in John 11 today, how Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead. Jesus saw Lazarus' sickness as something that would be an opportunity for God's glory. In fact, even though he got the message when Lazarus was still alive, he waited until Lazarus DIED until he came to Mary and Martha. So by the time Mary and Martha saw Jesus, they were like "If only you were here, my brother would not have died." In the back of my mind I imagined them thinking "Thanks A LOT Jesus for your delay. What took you so long??" But of course Jesus assured them that He is the RESURRECTION and the LIFE. He wanted everyone to believe Him when they would see his glorious power of raising Lazarus from the dead. He could have just healed Lazarus and prevented him from dying. But He was even more glorious through giving Lazarus life after dying!
God is helping me see that these weaknesses, problems, limitations in the youth ministry are not an end in itself, like Lazarus' death. They are opportunities to trust Him and see his glorious power! Yes, what I can see is apathy and indifference, dead worship sessions, and silence during communion. But what I see is not the reality of Christ. The reality is that Christ is the life-giver and when He is my life, I can only be confident in Him. When Christ is my life, HIS mercy and compassion goes out to those who stumble in our youth group. When Christ is my life, I don't need to rely on myself and my "youth expertise" to come up with strategies, plans, and changes. I rely on Him. He sees beyond what I can see. When Christ is my life, there is no fear of looking like a failure before others. When Christ is my life, I don't decide my agenda for the day, He does. When Christ is my life, I don't speak out of my own stuttering simple words, He gives me the words to speak. When Christ is my life, I don't see my holiness, I see my own sin not everyone else's and the only righteousness in me in Christ. When Christ is my life, the answer is not more helpers in the youth ministry, an English pastor, or even more passion. These may all be helpful, but these will all fade. The answer is in Christ alone! And it starts with realizing the life in Christ in myself, not even in relation to the youth ministry. Just Him in me and me in Him. And when the life of Christ overflows like "rivers of living water" (John 7:38) in me, and in you, and in His church, then we can finally see Jesus in all his glory. What are we waiting for???
Wow this was ridiculously long...I need to start updating this more often so I don't make a blog dump again!
***For all you hip hop fans, Jin has a new album out called "Crazy love ridiculous faith". He was reppin Asians on 106 n park back in the day, used to rap about crazy worldly stuff, then got saved, and now He's reppin Christ in his flows! This album is off the chainzzzzz
http://www.rapzilla.com/rz/music/freemp3s/4959-mc-jin-crazy-love-ridiculous-faith
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